Orgasm!!!

Sweating till I burn in joy
Rhthyms in the air unknown
Cries of pain in seventh heaven
To that land of bliss I have flown

Another terrorist attack.............YAWN!!!!

Seriously, it's getting boring.
Bombs hidden at unlikely places...innocent child creeps near.......BLAST........limbs detached.....body blown into 10 pieces.....blood decorating the road like some modern art.......ambulance......crowd.....panic........politicians.....media.....Lashkar, Hizb,IM..........blah blah blah

I have seen it all far too many times.
I mean, come on guys, show me something new.You're like stupid Bollywood directors who come up with the same story in every film.
So, doesn't death scare me? Do i not feel sad for the precious lives lost?
No, not any more.
They die because they are born in the wrong place- pretty much like Iraqis. Well, India is much worse than Iraq.At least, in Iraq people expect to die anytime. Here, it happens all of a sudden,without warning.

I really laugh on those who say," I love my India". India is where hell is.

Disgusted , disappointed, angry......

I have given up.
My C in NumAl became certain today( maybe even a D)
I had a dream................a dream to do well in Num Al
And i did try to make that dream come true by going to all its classes.
Son of a bitch i got av- again.
So, where are the optimists now. They say , u should have a purpose in life.
I have none now. Or rather , I choose to have none now. If I cannot score well in such a stupid , simple course I certainly don’t deserve to well in anything.
So i have lost.
It’s good in a way.
No need to dream anymore.
They’ll be shattered...raped...fucked.......trampled............everytime.

TOC-is it?

I think it might be getting too late to mend now.
For the last 3 days I have been trying to understand this complex topic in TOC, but i couldn't make any head or tail of it.This has seldom happened before. I mean, i think of myself as as rather ordinary guy who can at least understand what's written in front of him.Now, it seems, even that virtue is gone. All's that left is a foolish mind with nothing to boast of.
Well, not exactly nothing.
Today , in DSA class, madam was talking about NP problems. And that finding prime numbers used to be a problem of exponential complexity until recently. But 6 years ago, some professor and his student from IIT Kanpur solved it in polynomial time.It was a huge breakthrough internationally.
Guess who was the student. Well, thats my brother NS.

Now,it would be quite natural for me to feel depressed about how i have let my family down and what a loser I am; but starngely, I don't feel that way at all.
I feel proud- proud to have a blood relation to him.
Here I am crying about a simple problem in TOC, and this guy, who shares my genes, has brought the world to his feet!

It's a strange phenomena , how simple matters can lift your spirits for a day.

At least, I need it to last for a day- tomorrow I have my TOC quiz :)

FAITH

I know it is cold, and dreadfully dark

The sun is lost , angry dogs bark.

The candle fades, its wax flows away.

Curfews all around, you can't find a way.

You shed your blood , for no real gain

All hopes and searches just die in vain.

You get beaten down for every step you take

And feel so sleepy while still wide awake.

The sky is falling and world is burning

Your spirit is calling, your blood is churning.

Angry clouds shiver with thunderous growl;

Rain comes moaning and jackals howl.

Desperate times when nothing goes fine;

Look! What's that- so brightly shines.

 

I know what it is.

I won't tell you though

You catch it or snatch it

Or make a desperate show

Attempt it with bare hands

And an open heart dear.

You won't need much else

When it is to you near.

 

Faith! Faith it is.

Catch it soon.

If you believe in God,

Then it's God's boon

If you don't believe in Him

It's still a good take.

Just hold on to it

And give your head a shake.

 

For it matters not

Who you're destined to be

Just keep faith and

You'll soon see.

That life's not

So bad after all

You're on your feet now

You just had a little fall.

 

I love it when I teach you something good.

I'll learn from it too. I promise I would.

FAITH

I know it is cold, and dreadfully dark
The sun is lost , angry dogs bark.
The candle fades, its wax flows away.
Curfews all around, you can’t find a way.
You shed your blood , for no real gain
All hopes and searches just die in vain.
You get beaten down for every step you take
And feel so sleepy while still wide awake.
The sky is falling and world is burning
Your spirit is calling, your blood is churning.
Angry clouds shiver with thunderous growl;
Rain comes moaning and jackals howl.
Desperate times when nothing goes fine;
Look! What's that- so brightly shines.

I know what it is.
I won’t tell you though
You catch it or snatch it
Or make a desperate show
Attempt it with bare hands
And an open heart dear.
You won’t need much else
When it is to you near.

Faith! Faith it is.
Catch it soon.
If you believe in God,
Then it’s God’s boon
If you don’t believe in Him
It’s still a good take.
Just hold on to it
And give your head a shake.

For it matters not
Who you’re destined to be
Just keep faith and
You’ll soon see.
That life’s not
So bad after all
You’re on your feet now
You just had a little fall.

I love it when I teach you something good.
I’ll learn from it too. I promise I would.

The Right to be left alone

India is a fucking useless country. There are so many wrong things about it that i have long stopped calling myself an Indian.
But this blog is not about "the hell-hole that is India". It is about me and a novel thought that has come to my mind- India should include "the right to be left alone " in its constitution.

Especially for loners like me who hate the motherfucking human race and the hypocritical, arrogant bastards that exist here.I mean, i sometimes say to God," OK. You did a mistake. You brought me here. But then you wronged me. You made me different from the herd. Instead , of making me like the other asshole human beings, you made me like , well, ME! " And its so difficult to sustain me in this world. I am like the lion in a herd of wild elephants. He thinks of himself as a king , but gets constantly trampled by foolish elephants. And while the elephants trumpet loudly like morons, they laugh at the lion for making a roar- why ? because the roar is different from the gibberish that they love to say. And the lion feels alone. Here's a king who lives like a pauper. And when a stupid elephant comes and ridicules him , the lion just stays quiet , knowing that if he lays so much as a scratch on the stupid elephant , the others of the herd will beat him to death- with their trunks and noises and God knows what disgusting device.
The lion is graceful. The lion is egoistic. He cannot and would not stoop to their level. He cannot mingle with them for fear of becoming one of them. So he tries to stay away.
But, ooh, the irony ----the elephants just wouldn't let him stay away.


And hence i am depressed. If i can find a quiet place to live and an interesting job to do , and no human stench for many many miles, I'll be happy as a bird.
But these humans, these motherfucking sons of bitches....they are just so many in number. They are everywhere. Like insects...like parasites, like virus.And the virus makes me ill.

Maybe, someday there will be a nuclear war. That day i am going to lock myself up in my room. I don't wanna die alongside other humans. I wanna die alone.

The uselessness of sex

I mean, what's the deal with this sex thing. Why does it become the king of all distractions? Skilled men are busy doing important things, and all of a sudden this silly feeling of 'sex' creeps in, and destroys everything. And its an everyday affair. Men get depressed, do suicide, go retarded over this mere feeling of 'lust'. What's in it? Why is it so dangerous? Why is it so worth noticing? Surely you don't gain anything by doing it. Neither money, nor success, nor fame. Then why do men fall prey to this enemy that is so needless in its existence, and is so powerless, and yet holds eternal power over all mankind.

I believe it's all in the mind. Men have got their priorities all screwed up. When god added penis to a man's body, i guess, he only intended man to use it just once- to transfer the fluid required for reproduction to begin. Well, but man, greedy as he always has been, dissatisfaction being his chief drawback, decided to make some extra use of that organ. And thenceforth, began his journey of doom.

Women, he turned into attractive objects. Women, who should be men's equal were turned into objects of lust and desire. Man coined such terms as 'beautiful', 'busty', 'sexy', and began to give unnecessary importance to such terms. Beautiful women became every man's choice. The concept and the evergreen business of prostitution propped up based on this very idea. Quite expectedly, women became arrogant. They had something all men desired- a vagina and a set of breasts.

It sounds so foolish. You can feel it and yet wouldn't do anything. Men do realize the enormous stupidity of the idea, and in fact, as they grow old ,they comprehend it completely. Unfortunately, its the young who hold the key to the world's future; and they are too self- involved in the pussy-worship. It is strange that a 2 decade old guy like me should realize this stuff so early in my age. Well, to tell you the truth I have had my share of jerking off; and I have loved it , more than I have loved life. But you know what- wisdom is a funny thing. It lurks near your head for years, and then when it can stand the separation no more , it jumps into your brain. It has jumped into mine prematurely. I can only hope it does the same to others.

 

THOSE WHO I HATE:

• Who try to be way too smart than they ever were and ever can be

• Who comment on things that are way beyond the understanding of their garbage-stuffed brains
• Who are arrogant assholes
• Who never understand u , and yet claim the right to ridicule you
• Who claim authority, despite being a pile of fucking bullshit
• Who laugh all the time for no apparent reason
• Who are too narrow minded to give your opinion any consideration
• Who mock u in the the most disgusting , evil kind of way
• Who are naive fools, and yet think of themselves as kings of the world
• Who do wrong, and expect u to support their wrong, just bcoz they are under the stupid impression that u are their ‘friend’
• Who borrow your things and are too self-involved or arrogant to come to your room to return it
• Who stab u in your chest, and still expect u to be their friend
• Who shout often
• Who disagree with u everytime , and yet expect you to always agree in whatever they do

The sound of music

My days are not rough, and certainly not stressful. I sleep for 15 hours sometimes and eat in the rain like the happiest man in the world. Then why do I need music to soothe me?

The answer lies in my psychology and sorrow. I shall not bore myself with the details of those. Much has been written about that unhappy topic in the depths of my most personal diaries. And I’ll never let a living soul (except me) to read them.

So lets brush aside the reasons for my listening to the ‘flow of music’. And instead, lets ponder over the beauties of the brilliantly flowing, meandering music. And since I’m listening to Backstreet boys , lets think about them. What i like the most, is that there is a song for each mood. And sometimes a song exactly suited to convert excruciating mental pains into free- flowing sorrowful rivers brimming with crystals of melted melody. Oh yeah, look how beautifully I write! But that’s not my hand that is typing , it’s my heart that converts the musical melody into into words that flow spontaneously out of my finger tips.

The song that touches my heart the most is of course ‘Shape of my heart’.I don’t care much about the lyrics. What it says, what it means is unimportant. What music that comes out, the dance that the air around me goes into, is all that matters. All this makes Ears, god’s greatest gifts to music-lovers like me. (though I’d still think of eyes as his best creation).

It strikes straight into the heart. Music is the most accurate bullet , that pierces the heart , and yet keeps it intact , to be pierced again with a new music. Its like the best sex u ever have. And though it hurts, u want it even more the next day. And these musicians, i don’t know how they get this ability to play with your heart. This makes them the true world conquerors. Kings, dictators, can only enslave people’s bodies. Musicians enslave our heart, and we never grumble over this slavery. We love it more. We want it more. When i bask in music, sometimes i forget that i am alive. I forget what i have, what i am, and keep rolling in that musical glory, until some asshole knocks at my door or walks with loud steps outside.

Music , ah music. And the kind of music I listen to the most is hardly surprising---romantic. I might try to hate girls as much as i can, but i cannot deny----i feel incomplete; and listening to romantic music ,in some way , unconsciously , is a losing attempt to complete myself. Oh , am i going into ridiculous philosophies now?Let me stop right here. And on a dreamy tune, let me conclude this chapter on Music.

Quite aptly, the song I’m listening to right now is ‘Quit playing games with my heart’.

Movies ,movies and more movies

Well, i don't get it. Is this why I came to CEERI-----to waste my fucking time watching movies? I mean I know i can be foolish sometimes, and emotional a lot of times, but surely there's a limit to that all.Am i going to stop when this black hole of laziness swallows me into oblivion and ordinariness, which btw, I am scared of the most.

Am I completely transformed, from a sincere studious smart kid into a movie watching, introvert-type couch-potato. Oh yes, I guess, this really describes me well. Or maybe 'loser' will also fit into my depiction aptly.

I want to change. I am begging for a change. And thats what makes the whole situation ridiculous , for I am not begging god, rather I am begging myself! I have lost all control over myself . not that i didn't see it coming. Last year I realized that I am coming in the way of my aspirations. Whatever i wanted to achieve , even the smallest tasks like studying for a test, were hindered by the nashvik in me. Yes, I do sense the development of a the negative, lazy ,destructive force in me. And worse of all, that destruction is aimed at myself. From infancy, that force has reached puberty now, and hell knows how much further will it grow. That I may never achieve any of my dreams is a threat worse than death to me.And the realization that I am the cause of my own decline breaks my heart everyday.

And yet, the movie fever goes on. Thats the only area in which I am left with any knowledge right now. All I ask of myself, Oh great Satyam's soul, is to have the power to obey to what my brain says, and not to listen to the devil's command. I just want to be my old self.

And then there's the added distress of no love. But i'll come to that some other night.

The sorting hat says that I belong in Slytherinr!

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."

Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.

This resolution is not new in any way. When you are studying , your mind starts to wander places , and in a fit of emotions you take pledges to put things right. For example:

• after these compre i'm gonna go to gym and be like Hulk!!!
• after these compre i'm gonna learn to play guitar
• after these compre i'm gonna revise last sem's course and improve my concepts!!!
• after these compre i'm gonna be serious and orkut less and watch no porn....or wait...watch just a little porn
• next semester, i'll study!!!!!!!!!!!

So now that my exams have started ,I feel a compulsion to make some stupid resolution.I have made a million resolutions till now; and i certainly have long lost the will to scold myself on being unsuccessful to complete a rseolution.

But still ,I make one today(as i prepare for MT2......god knows hoW many many more resolutions and 'excellent' movie stories and sudden erotic needs are gonna pop up in my head) :

I SHALL BLOG EVERYDAY AFTER COMPRE

1

New Delhi city-The Capital-The place where things happen.A bustling city .An overcrowded,overpolluted city .The place is full of with crime -not surprisingly.

Crime -the word is persecuted by law.You do it and u go either behind bars or rely on your smarter senses to remain free.

The criminal world is perhaps the most unsolved mystery in the world.Bruce Wayne tried to decipher it-but look what he turned into- a dreaded batman.There's always a reason behind crime.Some do it in desperate need for money.Some do it as revenge.Some do it in anger.Some in greed.Some as jihad.Some are just psychopaths who cannot control their animal instincts.But the case I am here to describe is way too different, way too unique.

As the Hindus know , demons have invaded and aggrieved the earth in many forms-the 10 headed Ravana,pierced in the tummy by Ram; Kans ,brought to an end by Krishna; Hrininakashyap , who met his fate through Prahlad's prayers.

But all of them were supernatural- demons with special powers and special incarnations of gods sent to put and end to them. But what i am about to describe is a simple human, rather an anti-human.He was made of flesh and bones and blood, breathed the same air as we do,and was indeed no different from me and you.

AND REMEMBER, HE IS NOT A PSYCHOPATH.

2

Its 10 at night.The street is empty.The trees are swaying lightly in the cool breeze.The clouds are beginning to collect.They are white clouds-but look black at night.And to us, they will always be black clouds-for the darkness of the night hides their true colour.

A pretty girl-girls are always pretty-breaks the silence of the street with her quick steps.She looks scared for her steps are way too quick for a normal pretty girl.But why is she scared?

Two men are chasing her.They look drunk.Maybe they want something from her.'Crime' begins to show its ugly fangs.A lustful smile passes over their faces.Meanwhile, the girl has started to panic.She shouts for help.And sure enough she gets help.

An attractive young man suddenly appears on the street.The girl stops and so do her chasers.The weak drunkards change their paths and go down the other street, looking clearly disappointed.

She says to the young man,"बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया। अगर आप आज नहीं होते तो ये लोग मुझे नहीं छोड़ते। Thankyou so much".

The young man nods his head in silence.The breeze has started to pick up.

She continues,"आप जैसे लोग आजकल दुनिया में है ही कहाँ । वो तो मेरी नौकरी इतनी लेट छूती है वरना में इस सड़क पर इतनी रात को कभी नहीं आती।"

The man is still silent .Its starting to get colder and breezier.A storm is about to come.The clouds are moving fast- getting together.

And then she asks,"वैसे आपका नाम क्या है ?"

He turns his head towards her and says,"नाशविक", and suddenly the clouds thunder frighteningly ,which sweeps across the entire city .For a moment the lightning lights up the world,and as the girl watches him take a knife out of his pocket , he stabs her in the throat.

And her screams drown in the thunder.

.......................to be continued