Orgasm!!!

Sweating till I burn in joy
Rhthyms in the air unknown
Cries of pain in seventh heaven
To that land of bliss I have flown

Another terrorist attack.............YAWN!!!!

Seriously, it's getting boring.
Bombs hidden at unlikely places...innocent child creeps near.......BLAST........limbs detached.....body blown into 10 pieces.....blood decorating the road like some modern art.......ambulance......crowd.....panic........politicians.....media.....Lashkar, Hizb,IM..........blah blah blah

I have seen it all far too many times.
I mean, come on guys, show me something new.You're like stupid Bollywood directors who come up with the same story in every film.
So, doesn't death scare me? Do i not feel sad for the precious lives lost?
No, not any more.
They die because they are born in the wrong place- pretty much like Iraqis. Well, India is much worse than Iraq.At least, in Iraq people expect to die anytime. Here, it happens all of a sudden,without warning.

I really laugh on those who say," I love my India". India is where hell is.

Disgusted , disappointed, angry......

I have given up.
My C in NumAl became certain today( maybe even a D)
I had a dream................a dream to do well in Num Al
And i did try to make that dream come true by going to all its classes.
Son of a bitch i got av- again.
So, where are the optimists now. They say , u should have a purpose in life.
I have none now. Or rather , I choose to have none now. If I cannot score well in such a stupid , simple course I certainly don’t deserve to well in anything.
So i have lost.
It’s good in a way.
No need to dream anymore.
They’ll be shattered...raped...fucked.......trampled............everytime.

TOC-is it?

I think it might be getting too late to mend now.
For the last 3 days I have been trying to understand this complex topic in TOC, but i couldn't make any head or tail of it.This has seldom happened before. I mean, i think of myself as as rather ordinary guy who can at least understand what's written in front of him.Now, it seems, even that virtue is gone. All's that left is a foolish mind with nothing to boast of.
Well, not exactly nothing.
Today , in DSA class, madam was talking about NP problems. And that finding prime numbers used to be a problem of exponential complexity until recently. But 6 years ago, some professor and his student from IIT Kanpur solved it in polynomial time.It was a huge breakthrough internationally.
Guess who was the student. Well, thats my brother NS.

Now,it would be quite natural for me to feel depressed about how i have let my family down and what a loser I am; but starngely, I don't feel that way at all.
I feel proud- proud to have a blood relation to him.
Here I am crying about a simple problem in TOC, and this guy, who shares my genes, has brought the world to his feet!

It's a strange phenomena , how simple matters can lift your spirits for a day.

At least, I need it to last for a day- tomorrow I have my TOC quiz :)

FAITH

I know it is cold, and dreadfully dark

The sun is lost , angry dogs bark.

The candle fades, its wax flows away.

Curfews all around, you can't find a way.

You shed your blood , for no real gain

All hopes and searches just die in vain.

You get beaten down for every step you take

And feel so sleepy while still wide awake.

The sky is falling and world is burning

Your spirit is calling, your blood is churning.

Angry clouds shiver with thunderous growl;

Rain comes moaning and jackals howl.

Desperate times when nothing goes fine;

Look! What's that- so brightly shines.

 

I know what it is.

I won't tell you though

You catch it or snatch it

Or make a desperate show

Attempt it with bare hands

And an open heart dear.

You won't need much else

When it is to you near.

 

Faith! Faith it is.

Catch it soon.

If you believe in God,

Then it's God's boon

If you don't believe in Him

It's still a good take.

Just hold on to it

And give your head a shake.

 

For it matters not

Who you're destined to be

Just keep faith and

You'll soon see.

That life's not

So bad after all

You're on your feet now

You just had a little fall.

 

I love it when I teach you something good.

I'll learn from it too. I promise I would.

FAITH

I know it is cold, and dreadfully dark
The sun is lost , angry dogs bark.
The candle fades, its wax flows away.
Curfews all around, you can’t find a way.
You shed your blood , for no real gain
All hopes and searches just die in vain.
You get beaten down for every step you take
And feel so sleepy while still wide awake.
The sky is falling and world is burning
Your spirit is calling, your blood is churning.
Angry clouds shiver with thunderous growl;
Rain comes moaning and jackals howl.
Desperate times when nothing goes fine;
Look! What's that- so brightly shines.

I know what it is.
I won’t tell you though
You catch it or snatch it
Or make a desperate show
Attempt it with bare hands
And an open heart dear.
You won’t need much else
When it is to you near.

Faith! Faith it is.
Catch it soon.
If you believe in God,
Then it’s God’s boon
If you don’t believe in Him
It’s still a good take.
Just hold on to it
And give your head a shake.

For it matters not
Who you’re destined to be
Just keep faith and
You’ll soon see.
That life’s not
So bad after all
You’re on your feet now
You just had a little fall.

I love it when I teach you something good.
I’ll learn from it too. I promise I would.

The Right to be left alone

India is a fucking useless country. There are so many wrong things about it that i have long stopped calling myself an Indian.
But this blog is not about "the hell-hole that is India". It is about me and a novel thought that has come to my mind- India should include "the right to be left alone " in its constitution.

Especially for loners like me who hate the motherfucking human race and the hypocritical, arrogant bastards that exist here.I mean, i sometimes say to God," OK. You did a mistake. You brought me here. But then you wronged me. You made me different from the herd. Instead , of making me like the other asshole human beings, you made me like , well, ME! " And its so difficult to sustain me in this world. I am like the lion in a herd of wild elephants. He thinks of himself as a king , but gets constantly trampled by foolish elephants. And while the elephants trumpet loudly like morons, they laugh at the lion for making a roar- why ? because the roar is different from the gibberish that they love to say. And the lion feels alone. Here's a king who lives like a pauper. And when a stupid elephant comes and ridicules him , the lion just stays quiet , knowing that if he lays so much as a scratch on the stupid elephant , the others of the herd will beat him to death- with their trunks and noises and God knows what disgusting device.
The lion is graceful. The lion is egoistic. He cannot and would not stoop to their level. He cannot mingle with them for fear of becoming one of them. So he tries to stay away.
But, ooh, the irony ----the elephants just wouldn't let him stay away.


And hence i am depressed. If i can find a quiet place to live and an interesting job to do , and no human stench for many many miles, I'll be happy as a bird.
But these humans, these motherfucking sons of bitches....they are just so many in number. They are everywhere. Like insects...like parasites, like virus.And the virus makes me ill.

Maybe, someday there will be a nuclear war. That day i am going to lock myself up in my room. I don't wanna die alongside other humans. I wanna die alone.